“Tell us your phobias, and we will tell you what you are afraid of.” ~Robert Benchley
Mr. Benchley (whoever he is) was on to something. Since I don’t see any volunteers to list their phobias, I guess I’ll start.
Bridges over water scare me.
It doesn’t matter if I’m driving the car or not, I still can’t abide traveling across water. And the bridge doesn’t have to be high above the water like Annapolis Bridge, which crosses the Chesapeake Bay. (I hate that bridge.) I can’t abide the underwater tunnel leading to the Virginia Beach/Norfolk area either. Every time we drive through it, I have mental images of leaking cracks. I swear one day I’ll see a crack. I will.
And another horrid bridge is the one leading from Baton Rouge to New Orleans. The swampy water is practically level with the road. That’s just wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I swear I will never travel that road again. An alligator can just crawl up and...gulp, I don’t even what to think about it.
Bridges not over water scare me, too.
Why? I don’t like bridges, okay?! You drive off and you’re dead. I’m just not into traumatic deaths.
Swimming in the ocean, the gulf, or a sea.
I’ll just leave it at sharks, eels, jellyfish, and octopus, and let your imagination talk hold.
Swimming in a lake or a river.
I have two words for you: Human-eating bass. Doesn’t matter that you’ve never heard of human-eating bass. Sure as the sun rises in the morning, the day I go swimming in a lake, some mutant bass will decide my toes are an all-you-can-eat buffet. I’m so not into that. If I’m going to swim, I want to see what’s at the bottom of the pool.
Parachuting, para-sailing, or anything anywhere near related to that.
Splat! Did you ever see the episode of SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN when Steve’s girlfriend, Jamie Summers, did the pavement tango? I did. Real life isn’t television. One splat and the show’s cancelled (again). No one can bring you back to life as the Bionic Woman. Not that that wouldn’t be nice.
Hmm, more fears....
Gee, I think those are all my fears. So, Mr. Benchley, what am I afraid of?
Death? Wrong! I’m not afraid of death. I know where my eternal destiny lies. I just don’t like pain. My fear of bridges and water stem from my desire to...you know, this post really isn’t working for me.
“Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it.” ~Camus
Oh, shut up, Mr. Camus.
Human-eating bass isn’t a philosophy to justify my fear of lake water. Let’s be realistic. Who want to swim in a fish’s toilet?
Don’t laugh at me, Mr. Camus.
Okay, I’m a coward. My fears are merely outlets of my cowardice, of my unwillingness to take risks.
Fine. Does my admission make you happy?
My fear of bridges comes from my fear of not being in control. When someone else is driving me over the bridge, I’m quite nervous, but when I’m driving over the bridge, I’m far less nervous. Parachuting and para-sailing force me to put my life in the hands of someone or something else, too. I could never parachute because I’d spend all my time second-guessing that my parachute was packed correctly. Deep down inside I don’t trust my own judgments. I fear being wrong.
I fear being wrong because if I’m wrong, then I’ll be embarrassed, and I fear embarrassment. If I’m ever embarrassed, I won’t admit it. It’s too embarrassing.
A few years ago my husband bought us a pair of Sea Doos. He begged and begged me to get over my fear of lake water. Excuse me, it’s not the water I fear, it’s the things in the water that could eat me. (For those of you who don’t know, a Sea Doo is a brand name for a personal watercraft. Other familiar names are Jet Ski, Yamaha, Kawasucky...umm, Kawasaki.)
I hated riding behind him on the Doo. I’d never make it on a tandem bike either. But when hubby let me drive my own Sea Doo, I loved it. I became a crazy Sea Dooing momma. I even drove the thing at top speed. I’m a maniac, maniac on the water, and I’m driving like I’ve never driven before.
I was zooming and zagging and zipping across the lake. The wakes were my playground. I had form. I had game. I had skills, and, trust me, guys like girls with skills as much as girls like guys with skills.
My oldest daughter (7 at the time) loved the moves I was making. I was Kristi Yamaguchi on a Sea Doo. Where is my Sea Dooing with the Stars disco ball?
Zip. Zap. Zoom. Splat!
Yep. Dorky me somehow managed to throw my daughter AND myself off the Doo. And this Scooby Doo when Scooby Down. My hair got wet. My face got wet. But I didn’t lose my sunglasses. Didn’t I tell ya I’ve got skills?
Interesting thing is no human-eating bass ate me. My life-jacket (my very fashionable black Sea Doo life-jacket, of course) worked. My daughter was laughing not crying.
We got back on the Sea Doo and met up with the rest of our group. As I gassed up the Doo to top speed, I realized that my flying off the Sea Doo was kinda like death. Too many people fear death, but when it happens, it’s so quick you don’t have time to think. There’s nothing to fear on the other side.
“There’s nothing I’m afraid of like scared people.” ~Robert Frost
I have fears, but I’m not a scared person. Yet to many times I miss out on wonderful opportunities and experiences because I fear what could happen. I unwisely let my fear of failure and embarrassment hold me back.
Ride a rollercoaster. Talk to a total stranger. Wear something new and different, something so “not you.” Take a Foreign Language class. Be the first person to talk instead of the last. Whatever your fear, step outside it.
Better to try and fail then to never try and regret it the rest of your life.
Just make sure you are wearing a life-jacket if you’re going anywhere near water. And don’t run with scissors.
Don't forget to close the door. You wern't born in a barn.
I'm a maniac, maniac...
Friday, June 06, 2008
Thursday, June 05, 2008
The Ideal Romance Contest Scoresheet
This is posted over at Seekerville, but I couldn't help sharing. :-)
~*~
Let's face it, every contest entrant wants the perfect scoresheet. Yet far too many contests have...well, let's call them "dated" ones. Not only that, but they have ask vague contest-speak questions.
Well, I have the answer.
My idea of the ideal scoresheet is more general in the questions, kinda like the one the RWA Heart of the Rockies Contest uses merged with the ACFW Genesis one.
In addition to title and category, the entrant should provide target publisher and manuscript word count.
In RWA-chapter contests, the inspy category isn't broken up into genres. If the judge is viewing themanuscript as a single-title and the manuscript is a short contemporary, that could put the entry at a disadvantage.
A novel targeted to Heartsong isn't going to be like something targeted to Zondervan. Pick up Cheryl Wyatt's A SOLDIER'S FAMILY and Julie Lessman's A PASSION MOST PURE. Read the first 30 pages of each. Force yourself to stop reading. Now, if you were judging them and assumed both were targeted to Steeple Hill, do you feel you'd give a fair evaluation of the long historical family saga with strong romantic elements? (Or is it a long historical romance with strong family elements?)
When you enter ACFW's Genesis contest or FHL's Touched by Love, you have the opportunity to match your entry with similiar genre (or word count)entries. Not so in other RWA-chapter contests. Of course, you could stick your historical or romantic suspense in those categories, but you risk judges marking your entry as "wrong genre" because it's not in the inspy category.
What to do, what to do?
Simple solution: Include word count and target publisher on each entry. Until all contests adopt this policy, then consider including this information in your entry's header.
What other characteristic does the ideal scoresheet have? (I'm so glad you asked.)
It keeps point definitions very basic. Something that's done excellent may not mean it's publishable. It may merely mean "ready for an editor" or just "great job."
Scoring:
1=poor
2=fair
3=average
4=good
5=excellent
Or go to opposite extreme and make definitions very specific. I'm good with this.
Scoring:
1=you absolutely suck at writing; consider raising genetically enhanced hamsters, turtles, and chicks and calling them "The Wonder Pets"
2=serious revisions needed
3=good but didn't impress me; get a critique group or dump yours and finda new one...or at least start listening to your crit group more
4=just a few tweaks or another layer needed
5=you are one ginormous fan-freakin-tastic writer; I want to read more
And every scoresheet should EMPHASIZE that a 0 and a N/A are not acceptable scores. One of the worst things about entering a contest (besides getting a stinkin' ONE) is getting scores with no comments.
The HOW scoresheet asks judges to... "Please circle the items that need improvement in each of the following categories. These items are provided as a REMINDER of what to considerwhen judging and are NOT intended that the manuscript be judged solely byevery desciption after the story element."
_____ OPENING SCENE :: Starts in correct place, interesting hook thatdraws you into the story , good introduction of character(s) and plot
_____ HEROINE :: Identifiable by speech patterns, mannerisms, thoughts; has flaws and strengths; interesting/compelling; good physical description; sympathetic; likeable; not cliched; worthy of hero; has believable emotions and motivations; proactive with external story goal, not merely reacting to events. If not yet introduced, do you feel the exclusion detracted from the beginning of the story? (If not introduced and exclusion isn't distracting, do not deduct points.)
_____ HERO :: Identifiable by speech patterns, mannerisms, thoughts; has flaws and strengths; interesting/compelling; good physical description; sympathetic; likeable or at least redeemable; not cliched; worthy of heroine; has believable emotions and motivations; proactive with external story goal, not merely reacting to events. If not yet introduced, do you feel the exclusion detracted from the beginning of the story? (If not introduced and exclusion isn’t distracting, do not deduct points.)
_____ SECONDARY CHARACTERS :: Contribute to the story without distracting from it; good physical description; likeable or understandably dislikeable; not cliched; have believable emotions and motivations. If not yet introduced, do you feel the exclusion detracted from the beginning ofthe story? (If none are introduced and exclusion isn’t distracting, do not deduct point.)
_____ SETTING :: When and where the story takes place is known; description enhances story and sets mood; does not stop the forward pace to convey information; reader can see and feel setting; characters react to their surroundings.
_____ DIALOGUE :: Natural, believable; well balanced with narrative, reveals character, provides necessary information, shows action, moves the plot forward, foreshadows coming events or allows a character to reflect on past events; natural for setting; well balanced with narrative. Character voices are consistent with their personalities and appropriate to their gender. Tags enhance the dialogue and are relatively invisible.
_____ NARRATIVE :: Well balanced with dialogue; introspection not overly heavy or overly light; interesting; progresses the story without stopping the pace to convey information; flashbacks, if any, are appropriate; backstory woven in naturally; pace appropriate for genre or targeted line; scene transitions, if any, are smooth, appropriate,necessary.
_____ CONFLICT :: External conflict exists to prevent h/h from reaching story goal; reasonable amount of inner conflict hinted at without raising too many unanswered questions; scenes build on existing conflict; conflict--physical and emotional--creates tension between characters; conflict appropriate for genre or targeted line. Sexual tension appropriate for genre and/or target line.
_____ VIEWPOINT :: Point of view doesn’t bounce between characters excessively or inappropriately; changes are well-done and relevant; narrative sounds appropriate to POV character; POV is immediately identifiable with POV or scene change; appropriate for genre and/or targetline.
_____ STYLE :: Keeps reader in fictional dream; story presentation was smooth and interesting; actions and emotions “shown, not told,” senses were well used; research accurate, non-intrusive, interesting; strong action verbs and concrete nouns used; sentence structure and rhythm enhances story, not distracting; avoids cliches.
_____ MECHANICS :: Generally accepted spelling, grammar, punctuation usage; fragments, if used, enhance narrative. (If ms is not in what you consider to be proper ms format, explain to author but do not deduct points because ms has been checked to meet contest format guidelines.)
_____ INSPIRATIONAL ELEMENT :: Grows naturally out of character or plot; spiritual struggles hinted at in hero/heroine and are appropriate amount for entry pages; not preachy or distracting; characters behave appropriate to their spiritual state.
_____ SUBTOTAL POINTS (highest possible 120 points)
____ OVERALL APPEAL :: Would you want to finish this book if it werepublished, and would yourecommend it to a friend? (Score 0 through 5)
_______ TOTAL SCORE (highest possible 125 points) Finally, the scoresheet should have more than unpublished/published criteria.
Judge’s Writing Experience (check 1 or more):
_____ Unpublished Author
_____ RWA-trained contest judge
_____ Published Romance Author
_____ Pubbed or Unpubbed Contest Finalist
_____ Published Fiction, Novel Length
_____ RWA PRO
_____ Published, Articles
_____ Golden Heart Finalist
_____ RITA Finalist
_____ Published, Other
_____ Freelance Editor
~*~
Let's face it, every contest entrant wants the perfect scoresheet. Yet far too many contests have...well, let's call them "dated" ones. Not only that, but they have ask vague contest-speak questions.
Well, I have the answer.
My idea of the ideal scoresheet is more general in the questions, kinda like the one the RWA Heart of the Rockies Contest uses merged with the ACFW Genesis one.
In addition to title and category, the entrant should provide target publisher and manuscript word count.
In RWA-chapter contests, the inspy category isn't broken up into genres. If the judge is viewing themanuscript as a single-title and the manuscript is a short contemporary, that could put the entry at a disadvantage.
A novel targeted to Heartsong isn't going to be like something targeted to Zondervan. Pick up Cheryl Wyatt's A SOLDIER'S FAMILY and Julie Lessman's A PASSION MOST PURE. Read the first 30 pages of each. Force yourself to stop reading. Now, if you were judging them and assumed both were targeted to Steeple Hill, do you feel you'd give a fair evaluation of the long historical family saga with strong romantic elements? (Or is it a long historical romance with strong family elements?)
When you enter ACFW's Genesis contest or FHL's Touched by Love, you have the opportunity to match your entry with similiar genre (or word count)entries. Not so in other RWA-chapter contests. Of course, you could stick your historical or romantic suspense in those categories, but you risk judges marking your entry as "wrong genre" because it's not in the inspy category.
What to do, what to do?
Simple solution: Include word count and target publisher on each entry. Until all contests adopt this policy, then consider including this information in your entry's header.
What other characteristic does the ideal scoresheet have? (I'm so glad you asked.)
It keeps point definitions very basic. Something that's done excellent may not mean it's publishable. It may merely mean "ready for an editor" or just "great job."
Scoring:
1=poor
2=fair
3=average
4=good
5=excellent
Or go to opposite extreme and make definitions very specific. I'm good with this.
Scoring:
1=you absolutely suck at writing; consider raising genetically enhanced hamsters, turtles, and chicks and calling them "The Wonder Pets"
2=serious revisions needed
3=good but didn't impress me; get a critique group or dump yours and finda new one...or at least start listening to your crit group more
4=just a few tweaks or another layer needed
5=you are one ginormous fan-freakin-tastic writer; I want to read more
And every scoresheet should EMPHASIZE that a 0 and a N/A are not acceptable scores. One of the worst things about entering a contest (besides getting a stinkin' ONE) is getting scores with no comments.
The HOW scoresheet asks judges to... "Please circle the items that need improvement in each of the following categories. These items are provided as a REMINDER of what to considerwhen judging and are NOT intended that the manuscript be judged solely byevery desciption after the story element."
_____ OPENING SCENE :: Starts in correct place, interesting hook thatdraws you into the story , good introduction of character(s) and plot
_____ HEROINE :: Identifiable by speech patterns, mannerisms, thoughts; has flaws and strengths; interesting/compelling; good physical description; sympathetic; likeable; not cliched; worthy of hero; has believable emotions and motivations; proactive with external story goal, not merely reacting to events. If not yet introduced, do you feel the exclusion detracted from the beginning of the story? (If not introduced and exclusion isn't distracting, do not deduct points.)
_____ HERO :: Identifiable by speech patterns, mannerisms, thoughts; has flaws and strengths; interesting/compelling; good physical description; sympathetic; likeable or at least redeemable; not cliched; worthy of heroine; has believable emotions and motivations; proactive with external story goal, not merely reacting to events. If not yet introduced, do you feel the exclusion detracted from the beginning of the story? (If not introduced and exclusion isn’t distracting, do not deduct points.)
_____ SECONDARY CHARACTERS :: Contribute to the story without distracting from it; good physical description; likeable or understandably dislikeable; not cliched; have believable emotions and motivations. If not yet introduced, do you feel the exclusion detracted from the beginning ofthe story? (If none are introduced and exclusion isn’t distracting, do not deduct point.)
_____ SETTING :: When and where the story takes place is known; description enhances story and sets mood; does not stop the forward pace to convey information; reader can see and feel setting; characters react to their surroundings.
_____ DIALOGUE :: Natural, believable; well balanced with narrative, reveals character, provides necessary information, shows action, moves the plot forward, foreshadows coming events or allows a character to reflect on past events; natural for setting; well balanced with narrative. Character voices are consistent with their personalities and appropriate to their gender. Tags enhance the dialogue and are relatively invisible.
_____ NARRATIVE :: Well balanced with dialogue; introspection not overly heavy or overly light; interesting; progresses the story without stopping the pace to convey information; flashbacks, if any, are appropriate; backstory woven in naturally; pace appropriate for genre or targeted line; scene transitions, if any, are smooth, appropriate,necessary.
_____ CONFLICT :: External conflict exists to prevent h/h from reaching story goal; reasonable amount of inner conflict hinted at without raising too many unanswered questions; scenes build on existing conflict; conflict--physical and emotional--creates tension between characters; conflict appropriate for genre or targeted line. Sexual tension appropriate for genre and/or target line.
_____ VIEWPOINT :: Point of view doesn’t bounce between characters excessively or inappropriately; changes are well-done and relevant; narrative sounds appropriate to POV character; POV is immediately identifiable with POV or scene change; appropriate for genre and/or targetline.
_____ STYLE :: Keeps reader in fictional dream; story presentation was smooth and interesting; actions and emotions “shown, not told,” senses were well used; research accurate, non-intrusive, interesting; strong action verbs and concrete nouns used; sentence structure and rhythm enhances story, not distracting; avoids cliches.
_____ MECHANICS :: Generally accepted spelling, grammar, punctuation usage; fragments, if used, enhance narrative. (If ms is not in what you consider to be proper ms format, explain to author but do not deduct points because ms has been checked to meet contest format guidelines.)
_____ INSPIRATIONAL ELEMENT :: Grows naturally out of character or plot; spiritual struggles hinted at in hero/heroine and are appropriate amount for entry pages; not preachy or distracting; characters behave appropriate to their spiritual state.
_____ SUBTOTAL POINTS (highest possible 120 points)
____ OVERALL APPEAL :: Would you want to finish this book if it werepublished, and would yourecommend it to a friend? (Score 0 through 5)
_______ TOTAL SCORE (highest possible 125 points) Finally, the scoresheet should have more than unpublished/published criteria.
Judge’s Writing Experience (check 1 or more):
_____ Unpublished Author
_____ RWA-trained contest judge
_____ Published Romance Author
_____ Pubbed or Unpubbed Contest Finalist
_____ Published Fiction, Novel Length
_____ RWA PRO
_____ Published, Articles
_____ Golden Heart Finalist
_____ RITA Finalist
_____ Published, Other
_____ Freelance Editor
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Romantic Comedy, anyone?
On Entertainment Weekly's website, they have a list of the 19 romantic comedies you DON'T want to see.
Well, I just had to read the list.
And since I'm sure you just want to hear my opinion on them, here we go...
ONLY YOU with Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr
I saw it years ago. I don't remember disliking it, but I was in high school so how much did I know about plausibility. But think about it: Do you really want to believe who a ouija board tells you who you're going to marry? How pathetic is that?
MY BOSS'S DAUGHTER with Ashton Kutcher and Tara Reid
I haven't seen it, nor ever plan to. I've vowed never to insult my intelligence by watching any thing starring Tara Reid.
SOMEONE LIKE YOU with Hugh Jackman, Ashley Judd, and Greg Kinnear
Huh? They all starred in a movie together?
FAILURE TO LAUNCH with Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker
This had been out on DVD for about a year before I got around to watching it. Hubby was sorta paying attention...well, went Terry Bradshaw was in the scene. We like listening to Terry spout football talk. No matter how much I tried to reason it out, I couldn't figure out why either character fell in love with the other. And that's not even talking about how SJP responded to MMcC like he was STD. I'd have to watch the movie again to remember all the logical reasons why the movie was awful, but I'm not into BDSM.
THE HOLIDAY with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, and Jack Black
I actually liked this movie, although I do think it would have been better if someone besides Cameron played her role. Her a movie trailer producer? Totally non-plausible. The storyline with Kate and the old man was utterly sweet. I wish the romance between her and Jack's character could have been developed more, with Jack being more of a person than "Jack Black." (See video rental scene.)
BOUNCE with Ben Affleck and Gwyenth Paltrow
Ben can act when he's not trying to act, but considering the buzz on this movie that I never saw, I'm guessing he had a bad day at the office.
THE FAMILY STONE with Sarah Jessica Parker and others
Umm, I remember seeing tv spots...umm, by spots, I mean trailers...umm, by trailers, I don't mean houses you can drive from one parkground to the next. Let's be realistic. Do you really want to see a movie about anyone's stones? Neither do I.
NOTTING HILL with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant
I loved it when he had to wear his prescription scuba goggles to watch the movie. What bothered me from the get-go was seeing this theatre-screen-sized picture of Julia Roberts and wondering, "Does she have a moustache? Look, right there. I'm telling you, honey, she has a girl-stache." Lots of cheesy lines, but I enjoyed the movie. The secondary characters were a hoot.
THE TRUTH ABOUT CATS AND DOGS with Janeane Garafolo and Uma Thurman
The movie was a cliche from the get-go, yet when I'm surfing channels and see it on, I always stop and watch a few minutes. Maybe I'm hoping it gets better with age. Care to share some wine with this cheese?
DOG PARK with Luke Wilson and some chick
Umm, you lost me at "Dog Park."
WHAT WOMEN WANT with Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt
She was utterly adorable on her tv show, MAD ABOUT YOU. I tolerated her in TWISTER. But at some point you have to say, enough Helen is enough. Some actors make a living on playing the same character in movie after movie after movie. Five minutes of this show had me changing the channel. Plus, some men just don't age well into older romantic roles. Mel Gibson is no Sean Connery.
BECAUSE I SAID SO with Diane Keaton and some young chicks
*sigh* What is it with stupid titles? Maybe they're subtle warnings to stay away from this stupid movie. I did.
THE WEDDING DATE with Debra Messing and some Hollywood hottie
Hired date falls in love with hiree. Is there not a cliche this movie didn't have? I wouldn't know. I had enough sense not to watch it.
SWEET HOME ALABAMA with Reese Witherspoon and the guy from that really really bad military airplane movie
I like this one. Mostly. I couldn't figure out, though, why he didn't move on with his life. Then again, I'm not a believer in soul mates. Of course, I also couldn't figure out why the dumped fiance walked away so easily. Can you imagine how much money he threw away on the wedding? I wonder if the heroine and hero refunded his loss.
RETURN TO ME with David Duchovney and the girl whose name I can't remember
I watched it. This most certainly should be in the top five Worst Rom-Coms. The plausibility is mind-defying...or is that mind-dying?
FORGET PARIS with Billy Crystal and Debra Winger
I'm just not a Debra Winger fan, so I tend to avoid any movie with her in it. Sorry, Billy. You won me with your performance in THE PRINCESS BRIDE. But I just can't get past Debra to watch ya in this flick.
27 DRESSESS
Hmm. I don't even remember the previews for it on TV, although Wal-Mart has a big standee of the movie. But it did fairly well in the theatres so I'll watch it someday when it free on Starz On Demand.
SUMMER CATCH with Freddie Prinze, Jr, and Jessica Biel
I must have been in labor when this movie came out 'cause I just don't remember it being in the theatres. And I'm guessing it wasn't in them long.
SIMPLY IRRESTIBLE with Sarah Michelle Gellar and others
Ditto above.
To read what the reviewer actually had to say about these movies, go to ew.com.
Well, I just had to read the list.
And since I'm sure you just want to hear my opinion on them, here we go...
ONLY YOU with Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr
I saw it years ago. I don't remember disliking it, but I was in high school so how much did I know about plausibility. But think about it: Do you really want to believe who a ouija board tells you who you're going to marry? How pathetic is that?
MY BOSS'S DAUGHTER with Ashton Kutcher and Tara Reid
I haven't seen it, nor ever plan to. I've vowed never to insult my intelligence by watching any thing starring Tara Reid.
SOMEONE LIKE YOU with Hugh Jackman, Ashley Judd, and Greg Kinnear
Huh? They all starred in a movie together?
FAILURE TO LAUNCH with Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker
This had been out on DVD for about a year before I got around to watching it. Hubby was sorta paying attention...well, went Terry Bradshaw was in the scene. We like listening to Terry spout football talk. No matter how much I tried to reason it out, I couldn't figure out why either character fell in love with the other. And that's not even talking about how SJP responded to MMcC like he was STD. I'd have to watch the movie again to remember all the logical reasons why the movie was awful, but I'm not into BDSM.
THE HOLIDAY with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, and Jack Black
I actually liked this movie, although I do think it would have been better if someone besides Cameron played her role. Her a movie trailer producer? Totally non-plausible. The storyline with Kate and the old man was utterly sweet. I wish the romance between her and Jack's character could have been developed more, with Jack being more of a person than "Jack Black." (See video rental scene.)
BOUNCE with Ben Affleck and Gwyenth Paltrow
Ben can act when he's not trying to act, but considering the buzz on this movie that I never saw, I'm guessing he had a bad day at the office.
THE FAMILY STONE with Sarah Jessica Parker and others
Umm, I remember seeing tv spots...umm, by spots, I mean trailers...umm, by trailers, I don't mean houses you can drive from one parkground to the next. Let's be realistic. Do you really want to see a movie about anyone's stones? Neither do I.
NOTTING HILL with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant
I loved it when he had to wear his prescription scuba goggles to watch the movie. What bothered me from the get-go was seeing this theatre-screen-sized picture of Julia Roberts and wondering, "Does she have a moustache? Look, right there. I'm telling you, honey, she has a girl-stache." Lots of cheesy lines, but I enjoyed the movie. The secondary characters were a hoot.
THE TRUTH ABOUT CATS AND DOGS with Janeane Garafolo and Uma Thurman
The movie was a cliche from the get-go, yet when I'm surfing channels and see it on, I always stop and watch a few minutes. Maybe I'm hoping it gets better with age. Care to share some wine with this cheese?
DOG PARK with Luke Wilson and some chick
Umm, you lost me at "Dog Park."
WHAT WOMEN WANT with Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt
She was utterly adorable on her tv show, MAD ABOUT YOU. I tolerated her in TWISTER. But at some point you have to say, enough Helen is enough. Some actors make a living on playing the same character in movie after movie after movie. Five minutes of this show had me changing the channel. Plus, some men just don't age well into older romantic roles. Mel Gibson is no Sean Connery.
BECAUSE I SAID SO with Diane Keaton and some young chicks
*sigh* What is it with stupid titles? Maybe they're subtle warnings to stay away from this stupid movie. I did.
THE WEDDING DATE with Debra Messing and some Hollywood hottie
Hired date falls in love with hiree. Is there not a cliche this movie didn't have? I wouldn't know. I had enough sense not to watch it.
SWEET HOME ALABAMA with Reese Witherspoon and the guy from that really really bad military airplane movie
I like this one. Mostly. I couldn't figure out, though, why he didn't move on with his life. Then again, I'm not a believer in soul mates. Of course, I also couldn't figure out why the dumped fiance walked away so easily. Can you imagine how much money he threw away on the wedding? I wonder if the heroine and hero refunded his loss.
RETURN TO ME with David Duchovney and the girl whose name I can't remember
I watched it. This most certainly should be in the top five Worst Rom-Coms. The plausibility is mind-defying...or is that mind-dying?
FORGET PARIS with Billy Crystal and Debra Winger
I'm just not a Debra Winger fan, so I tend to avoid any movie with her in it. Sorry, Billy. You won me with your performance in THE PRINCESS BRIDE. But I just can't get past Debra to watch ya in this flick.
27 DRESSESS
Hmm. I don't even remember the previews for it on TV, although Wal-Mart has a big standee of the movie. But it did fairly well in the theatres so I'll watch it someday when it free on Starz On Demand.
SUMMER CATCH with Freddie Prinze, Jr, and Jessica Biel
I must have been in labor when this movie came out 'cause I just don't remember it being in the theatres. And I'm guessing it wasn't in them long.
SIMPLY IRRESTIBLE with Sarah Michelle Gellar and others
Ditto above.
To read what the reviewer actually had to say about these movies, go to ew.com.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
A Tale of Two Doos
My purse doesn’t always match my shoes. I should be the next victim on “What Not to Wear.”
But I don’t really care that my purse doesn’t match my shoes. My purse hardly defines my life.
Actually, it did...once.
I used to have a large tote, but then I read an article in Women’s Day describing the personality of a tote-purse carrier. Yikes! Not as bad as the shoulder-strap-purse carrier, but definitely bad.
So I bought a small compact black purse. My personality has improved (I have less baggage), but I think I’ve become a little obsessed with matching.
When my husband and I were out riding our Sea Doos (think Jet Ski yet a higher quality) at the lake, a college-aged girl rode past...umm, zoomed past. Her pea green metallic lifejacket matched her pea green metallic Sea Doo. Uggh. I turned greener than the algae on the lake rocks. My faded blue quite nerdish lifejacket totally clashed with my turquoise Sea Doo. Faded blue is to turquoise what mustard is to peanut butter.
All I could think about for the rest of the day was how un-vogue my life jacket was. Oh, forget denial. I--not my lifejacket--was totally un-vogue.
On the way home, I casually mentioned to my husband how sleek that girl’s lifejacket was. He then shopped around and found a deal on an official Sea Doo lifejacket. Woo hoo! He wanted to get me the purple one. Hello, purple might match the turquoise Sea Doo, but what if I drive the yellow and black one? See, I’m back to clashing.
He suggested the red instead. Men.
I rolled my eyes because that's the only nice way I could think to tell him he was being ridiculous.
I am now the proud owner of a sleek black lifejacket. No matter what color Sea Doo I drive, I will always match.
I’m so superficial. But I have a snazzy lifejacket so I can live with my superficiality. Do you have a snazzy lifejacket? Do you have a boat or a personal watercraft vehicle? At one time, hubby owned a fleet. By fleet, I mean eight. Our neighbors called it the Welborn Navy. We've down-sized to three (one for hubby, one for son, and one supercharged one yet to sell). Hubby realized it was either the Sea Doos or a larger house. He opted for the house. Having five kids will do that to a man.
To compare means to examine characteristics and qualities in order to determine differences and similarities.
Comparing can be healthy because it can help us recognize our weaknesses, but when we use comparisons to determine our personal worth, we’re focusing on the wrong things. Your value as a person is not dependent upon how you stack up next to someone else. Trust me, it’s easy to notice how you stack up when you’re shopping in Victoria’s Secret.
Why did I succumb to the propaganda about how great breastfeeding is to a child’s healthy development?
I am more than a snazzy lifejacket.
I am more than the sum of my responsibilities and relationships, more than my accomplishments and failures, more than my past.
And so are you.
But I don’t really care that my purse doesn’t match my shoes. My purse hardly defines my life.
Actually, it did...once.
I used to have a large tote, but then I read an article in Women’s Day describing the personality of a tote-purse carrier. Yikes! Not as bad as the shoulder-strap-purse carrier, but definitely bad.
So I bought a small compact black purse. My personality has improved (I have less baggage), but I think I’ve become a little obsessed with matching.
When my husband and I were out riding our Sea Doos (think Jet Ski yet a higher quality) at the lake, a college-aged girl rode past...umm, zoomed past. Her pea green metallic lifejacket matched her pea green metallic Sea Doo. Uggh. I turned greener than the algae on the lake rocks. My faded blue quite nerdish lifejacket totally clashed with my turquoise Sea Doo. Faded blue is to turquoise what mustard is to peanut butter.
All I could think about for the rest of the day was how un-vogue my life jacket was. Oh, forget denial. I--not my lifejacket--was totally un-vogue.
On the way home, I casually mentioned to my husband how sleek that girl’s lifejacket was. He then shopped around and found a deal on an official Sea Doo lifejacket. Woo hoo! He wanted to get me the purple one. Hello, purple might match the turquoise Sea Doo, but what if I drive the yellow and black one? See, I’m back to clashing.
He suggested the red instead. Men.
I rolled my eyes because that's the only nice way I could think to tell him he was being ridiculous.
I am now the proud owner of a sleek black lifejacket. No matter what color Sea Doo I drive, I will always match.
I’m so superficial. But I have a snazzy lifejacket so I can live with my superficiality. Do you have a snazzy lifejacket? Do you have a boat or a personal watercraft vehicle? At one time, hubby owned a fleet. By fleet, I mean eight. Our neighbors called it the Welborn Navy. We've down-sized to three (one for hubby, one for son, and one supercharged one yet to sell). Hubby realized it was either the Sea Doos or a larger house. He opted for the house. Having five kids will do that to a man.
To compare means to examine characteristics and qualities in order to determine differences and similarities.
Comparing can be healthy because it can help us recognize our weaknesses, but when we use comparisons to determine our personal worth, we’re focusing on the wrong things. Your value as a person is not dependent upon how you stack up next to someone else. Trust me, it’s easy to notice how you stack up when you’re shopping in Victoria’s Secret.
Why did I succumb to the propaganda about how great breastfeeding is to a child’s healthy development?
I am more than a snazzy lifejacket.
I am more than the sum of my responsibilities and relationships, more than my accomplishments and failures, more than my past.
And so are you.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
One of those Sundays
I like my church.
I like going to my church.
Sometimes, though, when I've stayed up past midnight watching a cheesy movie, I wish I didn't have to get up so early for church.
Still I rolled out of bed this morning and woke up the kids. (Hubby had already left because he leads the 9:15 worship band and has to be there early for sound checks.) We scrambled to dress and eat breakfast to be ready to leave by 8:45. Only Son#2/Child#3 decided he needed a 30-minute bathroom break. Needless to say, he wasn't even dressed when we ready to head to the Surburban.
Uggh.
Well, he found clothes (grass-stained khaki pants and a hand-me-down Darth Vadar t-shirt) and eventually socks. Shoes?
The boy has two pair of sneakers and he couldn't find either. So he grabbed some too-small sandals. To wear with socks. WITH SOCKS!!!
When I told him he had to put them on in the car, he said, "What about breakfast?"
Duh. Dude, you took 30 minutes to fellowship with the toilet. You don't get breakfast.
With a grrrr, he threw his sandals over his head and stormed outside without them. Oh well. I didn't want to be late for church (and it wouldn't be the first time one of my chitlins attended church shoeless), so off we went with Mr. Grumpy in the back seat.
Fortunately, I found a decent parking space.
Only, Slowpoke took his leisurely time getting out of the car. Then I accidentally shut the door on his little finger, nipping the skin. He wailed. I apologized...on the run, of course, because I didn't want to be late for church (like usual).
Why is it church folks feel the need to ask why a child doesn't have shoes on?
How is any part of that question going to improve the situation?
I didn't feel the need to answer. They didn't look pleased I wasn't answering any more than they looked pleased that he wasn't wearing shoes.
Worship was great...once I took my focus off my shoeless child who felt compelled to attend church with me instead of go to his Sunday School class. He colored with the crayons we got at Topeka's Steakhouse three days earlier (Just to let you know I don't usually carry crayons in my purse). I sang and sang and sang and eventually took sermon notes.
When worship service ended, I sent Slowpoke to the vending machine for breakfast.
Now here's a weird thing. A few months ago, a churchmember was selling some leftover breakfast foods from the Ladies' conference hosted by our church the day before. S/he mentioned how awkard s/he felt selling food in church. You know, like Jesus casting the moneylenders out of the temple. Apparently, in this person's perspective, selling food Sunday morning was a sin.
Not only was this person uncomfortable, but s/he told the story to another churchmember who admitted s/he felt the same. And admitted s/he was worried some older adult would see what we were doing and complain to the deacons.
Is anyone seeing something odd here?
We have vending machines in the church and NO ONE complains. And it's not as if the machines are shut down during worship hours. Nope, they're available 24/7. Not just the youth spend their quarters there.
How many times has a guest singer sold cds in the foyar after the services? Or the choir or ensemble groups sold cds? And what about the media ministry who sells dvds and cds of performances and sermons?
Why would those two churchmembers consider selling leftover bagels a sin and selling a cd isn't?
Plus the money for the cd is "for profit," while the bagels funds go to the scholarship fund.
Isn't it funny what some church folk get offended about?
Like a 8-yr-old boy without shoes.
Seems to me God would be more offended by the Darth Vadar t-shirt than sock-covered feet.
Then again, if I were God, I'd care more about the attitude of the person singing than what clothes the person is (or isn't) wearing. Yet time and time again, I see how offended some church folk are to the outward appearance.
Let it not be said I'm a white-washed tomb.
~*~
The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end
The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God
Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
I like going to my church.
Sometimes, though, when I've stayed up past midnight watching a cheesy movie, I wish I didn't have to get up so early for church.
Still I rolled out of bed this morning and woke up the kids. (Hubby had already left because he leads the 9:15 worship band and has to be there early for sound checks.) We scrambled to dress and eat breakfast to be ready to leave by 8:45. Only Son#2/Child#3 decided he needed a 30-minute bathroom break. Needless to say, he wasn't even dressed when we ready to head to the Surburban.
Uggh.
Well, he found clothes (grass-stained khaki pants and a hand-me-down Darth Vadar t-shirt) and eventually socks. Shoes?
The boy has two pair of sneakers and he couldn't find either. So he grabbed some too-small sandals. To wear with socks. WITH SOCKS!!!
When I told him he had to put them on in the car, he said, "What about breakfast?"
Duh. Dude, you took 30 minutes to fellowship with the toilet. You don't get breakfast.
With a grrrr, he threw his sandals over his head and stormed outside without them. Oh well. I didn't want to be late for church (and it wouldn't be the first time one of my chitlins attended church shoeless), so off we went with Mr. Grumpy in the back seat.
Fortunately, I found a decent parking space.
Only, Slowpoke took his leisurely time getting out of the car. Then I accidentally shut the door on his little finger, nipping the skin. He wailed. I apologized...on the run, of course, because I didn't want to be late for church (like usual).
Why is it church folks feel the need to ask why a child doesn't have shoes on?
How is any part of that question going to improve the situation?
I didn't feel the need to answer. They didn't look pleased I wasn't answering any more than they looked pleased that he wasn't wearing shoes.
Worship was great...once I took my focus off my shoeless child who felt compelled to attend church with me instead of go to his Sunday School class. He colored with the crayons we got at Topeka's Steakhouse three days earlier (Just to let you know I don't usually carry crayons in my purse). I sang and sang and sang and eventually took sermon notes.
When worship service ended, I sent Slowpoke to the vending machine for breakfast.
Now here's a weird thing. A few months ago, a churchmember was selling some leftover breakfast foods from the Ladies' conference hosted by our church the day before. S/he mentioned how awkard s/he felt selling food in church. You know, like Jesus casting the moneylenders out of the temple. Apparently, in this person's perspective, selling food Sunday morning was a sin.
Not only was this person uncomfortable, but s/he told the story to another churchmember who admitted s/he felt the same. And admitted s/he was worried some older adult would see what we were doing and complain to the deacons.
Is anyone seeing something odd here?
We have vending machines in the church and NO ONE complains. And it's not as if the machines are shut down during worship hours. Nope, they're available 24/7. Not just the youth spend their quarters there.
How many times has a guest singer sold cds in the foyar after the services? Or the choir or ensemble groups sold cds? And what about the media ministry who sells dvds and cds of performances and sermons?
Why would those two churchmembers consider selling leftover bagels a sin and selling a cd isn't?
Plus the money for the cd is "for profit," while the bagels funds go to the scholarship fund.
Isn't it funny what some church folk get offended about?
Like a 8-yr-old boy without shoes.
Seems to me God would be more offended by the Darth Vadar t-shirt than sock-covered feet.
Then again, if I were God, I'd care more about the attitude of the person singing than what clothes the person is (or isn't) wearing. Yet time and time again, I see how offended some church folk are to the outward appearance.
Let it not be said I'm a white-washed tomb.
~*~
The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice
He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end
Beginning and the end
The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son
The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God
Name above all names
Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God
How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God
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