If we define a cliche as somethings that been done so many times that it's past familiar, then isn't giving Christmas gifts and birthday gifts a cliche? Okay, I doubt that's going to get me off the hook for going Christmas shopping this year.On a side note, last year Planned Parenthood of Indiana offered Free Abortion Certificates as the newest thing in gift-giving. According to Ms. magazine, an official of the Hoosier Planned Parenthood group explained: "People are making really tough decisions about putting gas in their car and food on their table, so we know that many women especially put healthcare at their bottom of their list to do."
Talk about a gift that keeps on giving. Where's that sarcasm font when I need it?
Back to topic....
I like cliches as long as they fit and have a twist to them. Just between the two of us, I have this secret idea to write a character who only speaks in cliches. Remember that Star Trek Next Generations episode when Captain Picard met that alien who only spoke in metaphors and allegories? Loved it! Loved Picard! Classic episode.I am a trekkie at heart.
Anyhoo, one of my all time despised cliches is the concept of soul mates. Let me say that again and with emphasis.
One of my all time despised cliches is the concept of soul mates.
Ladies, what if your soul mate died in a car crash when he was 16? Does that doom you to a life all alone...or with some guy who won't be anything more to you than a second-string quarterback?
What if your soul mate was stupid and married the town's #1 exotic dancer before he met you? Does his poor choice doom you to a life alone...or with some guy who won't be anything more to you than a second-string quarterback?
Out of ten randomly chosen romance novels (sub-genre doesn't matter, although in paranormals the odds skyrocket), at least three will mentions the leads being "soul mates." How convenient for the pair that they're both attractive 'cause if not....well, imagine Roseanne Barr telling Brad Pitt, "Hey, dump Angie, I'm your soul mate!"
At some point, ladies, if you advocate the reality of soul mates and you still aren't married, you might want to stop assuming your guy is gonna be one one of those hunky hearthrobs with Bill Gates-like brains and fortune. Duh.
Realistically we all can't have great soul mates because look at how many hunky hearthrob Bill Gates-smart guys are out there. The gene pool isn't that fertile. Oh my satellites, I had a thought. What happens if you marry the guy who you were 100% certain was your soul mate but then learned he had an affinity for leaving the toothpaste cap off so you KNOW your true soul mate wouldn't be so stupid? Do you divorce the guy and go looking for your true soul mate? Not only that, but since feelings change as quick as Madonna reinvents herself, how can you really be sure your soul mate is your true soul mate? And what if you thought husband #1 was your soul mate, only to learn he wasn't, so you divorce and marry husband #2, and you guessed it, after a few years you learned he wasn't either, so you divorce and marry husband #3, and...well, do you see the picture?
My brain is stressing.
How can you guarantee the person you've fallen in love with is your soul mate? I know. Sex.
See, in the average romance novel, or sex-focused tv show, that the characters don't realize they're soul mates until they've had hot wild never-like-it-before sex. What if your soul mate just didn't have "game"? Time to start watching The Bachelorette.
I am full of "what if" questions today.
What if your soul mate dies, leaving you a widow? You're kinda obligated to tell the next guy who proposes, "Sure, I'll marry you, but just know that you only have a percentage of my heart and not a bit of my soul because it is forever linked with my dead husband." He deserves to know that you're a Corpse Soul Bride. It's the most loving thing you can tell him. After all, now he can know that he might want to keep looking because he obviously hasn't found his soul mate in you.
See, this is why I think the concept of soul mates is so totally stupid and cliched and takes away personal choice.
Is there only one "right" person for us? If you believe that, then I can't see how you (or your characters, if you're a writer) don't struggle with second-guessing your (their) decision to be with the person you're (they're) with. What if he's not "the one"? What if so-and-so was but he had bad breath so you refused to go out with him again?
What if your soul mate was a total jerk? Clearly the world has it's share of jerks, and I can't imagine each one of them is slotted to be a eunach. Some will marry. Some will marry for love...and yet will still be jerks.
Good thing love is a choice.
12 comments:
Gina, cute post. Interesting concept about soul mates. I think you've got a great point. I rather like the term "kindred spirits" instead of soul mates myself.
Very wise post, Gina. I think the whole concept of soulmates is very dangerous for young women and not particularly scriptural.
I mean, it stands to reason that if God has a plan for your life there will be one man who will best compliment that plan, however, this does not make it some sort of cosmic, miraculous, eternal sort of link.
At the end of the day, love is a choice, and often a tough one, even with the "perfect" guy.
Dina
Very wise, indeed. I agree with Dina, it's not Scriptural or particularly healthy to view relationships this way. Marriage takes work, sacrifice and communication. Sadly, men cannot read minds. :)
Gina, your blog is so cute! I love the green paper. Adorable.
Well Gina, I have a totally different take on soul mates. It sounds like your idea of a soul mate is based on looks alone because you mention 'hunky hearthrobs' and ask what happens if he's a total jerk. How in the world can he be your soul mate, then?
I believe in soul mates. I believe God specifically picked out my Nelson as the best man for me to spend my time on earth with. I believe He matched us up and arranged it so that we were in the same place and same time together.
Over 32 yrs ago, I sat down at a table in the mess with a bunch of MP's because my roomie was one. This guy I'd never met before stared at me. Everyone else looked back and forth from him to me. Very disconcerting. He finally asked me to dance. I agreed because I had questions and I needed to get 'up close and personal' to have them answered. We danced, he introduced himself, we got engaged 3 months later and married 3 months after that. I later found out why everyone was staring at us... it was because in the 2 yrs Nelson had been on base, they'd never seen him date.
And if anyone asks Nelson to this day what he thought when I sat down at that table, he said the words, 'That's the girl I'm going to marry' ran through his mind.
Now you want me to say soul mates don't exist? Uh-huh, no can do.
However, the other question you asked was what happens if your soul mates dies... well, I said before that I believed my soul mate was God's best choice for me. I didn't say His only choice but His best choice. God doesn't want us to live alone. You can be sure that if God calls our soul mate Home, He's got another plan for us.
And that's why I'll keep using soul mates in my wips - because I live it every day.
I understand Anita's point, but just to restate Gina's, what if I said:
"Hmm, well if Anita's right, then I made a mistake, and I need to get a divorce and keep looking for my soulmate because this guy sure isn't him." Now toss my three kids, family, our ministries into the mix, and that would be a huge problem.
That's the mindset that I'm trying to avoid promoting by my writing. I always want there to be an element of choice and also of carefully following God's leading.
Dina
I see where you're coming from, Dina and it's very sad. It's like waking up one day and asking if this is all there is, no?
I'm not saying finding your soul mate means heaven on earth by any means. Nelson and I have had our share of probs and came so close to separation and divorce years ago I don't even want to remember it. But in the end, forgiveness was given and accepted and we chose to stay together. And yes, it does take work. That's a lot of years to put up with another person's habits.
And yes, God gave us free will so we do have a choice and we don't have to choose who He has intended for us. But like anything else, once you make your decision, you have to stand by it.
What I try to promote in my writing is that nothing should be decided without taking it to God first. Because if you've taken it to God and asked that His will be done, do you really think He'll stay quiet if you misread His signals?
To translate that into this soul mate topic, if a person isn't sure if the person they're attracted to is their soul mate and they ask God to help them decide, dontcha think God will lay the answer upon their heart? And if they don't follow God's lead, that doesn't negate the fact they may have made the biggest booboo of their life... if just means they may have made the biggest booboo of their life and now have to live with it.
Okay, I'm done. Just call me the eternal optimist. :)
Oh - in case you get the wrong idea, I don't like it when people divorce but I know we all make mistakes and if someone is in an abusive situation, they should take their kids and get out. It just means that wasn't the relationship God had picked out for them.
Gee whiz, Gina and Dina, sorry about the soapbox. I'll back out quietly now... my pizza's ready. LOL
I don't think there is any problem with assuming that God has someone special and unique in mind for each person. However, the term "soul mate" is not found in the Bible. To my understanding the term comes from Greek Mythology.
According to Greek mythology, the gods originally created humans in attached groups of two. I never could quite picture how this was supposed to work, but... In fact, there were male/males, female/females, and male/females. The Greeks were big on homosexuality. Only the male/females could breed.
At some point the gods decided the humans were too powerful and split them in half. The humans then spent their lives wandering the earth looking for the missing half that would complete them.
The term soul mate in this context implies something of cosmic importance. If you married the wrong person, it would be disastrous, and by all means, you should leave them if you later found your actual "soul mate."
It implies more than something "foreordained." That would be the sort of definition for "soul mate" that I would find harmful. I think clear that is also the type Gina is referring to. I don't read the stuff, but I would think that sort of concept would go over big with the vampire/paranormal crowd.
Dina
Really Dina? (shudder) Wow! I never knew there was an actual origin to the phrase. Thank you for clearing that up. I don't think I'll be using 'soul mate' in my writing anytime soon, now. Uh, hate to run but gotta go find my ms...
Okay, ladies, you've got me thinking about this cliche. Good points on both sides.
And sorry I hadn't jumped in sooner with responding. I've been working on Golden Pen contest stuff. I'm not multi-taskable. :-)
Anyhoo, I do belive that God has that one-right person for us. Still I also believe that regardless of who that person is, the one we marry becomes that person. If not, then we'd have to say that it's okay to divorce our spouse becuase we've decided he's not God's one-right person for us.
Foreordained makes me wary becuase it seems to lessen personal choice.
I do like how Anita said this: I believe He matched us up and arranged it so that we were in the same place and same time together.
I'm confident God played matchmaker with me and hubby. Still, saying yes to hubby was my choice, one of the wisest ones I've ever made.
Great discussion!
Honestly, Anita, I'm not sure about the etymology of that term. I taught that Greek myth to a college English class about eleven years ago, so it's not very fresh in memory. I do know that ever since that time, though, that's the sort of thinking I personally have attributed "soul mate" to.
What an interesting discussion! My question is, "Do our souls evolve?" Was I as spiritually enlightened at five as I am now? Am I now all that I can hope to be spiritually?
If not, then I have no problem with the concept of soul mates. God puts us with who we need to be with based on where we are at that time as well as who we will become.
And I don't necessarily take that to mean there is one right person. God is certainly big enough to connect you with your soul mate who lives on the other side of the planet, but gee, should He have to work quite that hard? Maybe it's less about the right person, and more about the right sort of person, including physical attraction.
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